We’ve all heard of that book. I hold issue with most of self-help literature. It seems all too often to constitute a set of directions that the author, in their perceived (or perhaps, simply publishable) sense of success and satisfaction, retrospectively believes that they followed to get there. Even if those directions did lead to their happiness, they were directions from their initial location, not that of the desperate reader in seek of guidance from their starting point.
And now that you’ve heard my rant about self-help culture, I’ll get to my main point.
That book and much of self-help literature stresses the importance of developing good habits:
In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions.It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently. – Tony Robbins
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. – Will Durant based on Aristotle’s teachings
You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine. -John C. Maxwell
…and so on and so forth. All men talking s**t about how you should be living your life. Typical. They can’t tell you what good habits will make you happy, or bad habits will make you unhappy. You have to figure that out.
A “good habit” is an action you consistently take the time and energy to execute that supports your mental/physical wellbeing. Barriers to the practise of good habits include the myriad of alternative ways we could expend that time and energy that do not support our wellbeing, and perhaps even damage it a.k.a “bad habits”.
Here’s the kicker folks – *the good habits are much easier to practise once we have freed our time and energy from the bad ones*. For example, for months I couldn’t coax myself to practise guitar, until I securely constrained my phone time in the evening, and in the absence of my evening phone addiction, as well as the enthusiasm reignited by a partner who has been playing with me of recent, I felt a renewed curiosity to play without forcing myself to.
An example of a bad habit I just don’t engage with is not checking any messaging/social media apps until the 6pm-8pm time-window, and for no more than 15 minutes (various screen time apps can help to set these limits), and a good habits I commit to daily include a) run + cold shower + 5 min journal in the AM, b) play or listen to music + tooth/skin/nail-care + 5 min journal in the PM and c) 1 – 5 x 90 minute deep work bouts on workdays.
Note 1: It is always possible to stick to these commitments. If I can’t run, I walk. If.I can’t walk for 30 minute, I walk for 30 seconds.
Note 2: There are zero consequences if I fail to execute these habits for any reason. Think of it as stumbling on a rock you didn’t see because you were distracted. Life goes on.
I find if I do these things, that everything else falls into place. I use the app Days Since to stay motivated to abstain from the bad habits, and a standard habit tracker app for the good ones
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